Tonight has been a hard one for me as a Mom. I hate having to get on to my son. I hate seeing him upset. I hate when he thinks we are mad at him. I hate to see him cry.
When Jordan got home from school today we went to Wal-Mart to get our weekly groceries. While at Wal-Mart he asked if he could ride his scooter when we got home. I said sure. It was such a nice day and I figured it would be a good way for him to get rid of some energy. He then asked if he could ride around the apartment complex we live in. I had some concerns about allowing this but Chris and I decided that he would be fine. He's almost 8 and is a very responsible kiddo. I told him that he could ride around the complex as long as he stayed on the side of the street and checked back in with us frequently.
I started putting away the groceries and cooking dinner. Jordan came in a few times to get drinks and just say Hi. Everything was going great. I finished up supper. I asked Chris where Jordan was and he said, he'll be back in just a few minutes. Chris and I started eating. Isaac was waking up from a nap and I wanted to finish my meal before I had to feed him.
I got done eating and Jordan still had not come back home. At this point it had been about 20 minutes since we had seen him. I still thought nothing of it, Jordan has always been one to entertain himself and he stays outside a long time.
I went out to find him so he could come in and eat. I walked around a few streets of the complex and could not find him. I looked up and down every road and nothing. I still thought, hmm, I wonder where he's at. I'm sure he will be home soon. I came back in to check on Isaac who by this time was screaming for my attention. I sat down to feed him and couldn't get Jordan off my mind. I had to find him. By this point I was starting to get concerned. So many things go through your mind. Did he fall off the scooter and get hurt? Did someone hit him with their car? Did someone take him? I hate that the worst possible things come to mind but I think that's just part of being a Mom.
I went out again and looked around and still didn't see him. My eyes being as bad as they are, I came in and asked Chris to see if he could find him. Chris being the patient laid back person that he is was not worried. This often bugs me. I don't understand why he doesn't get as worried about things and I do. But then I realize that God put him in my life to keep me calm and make sure that I don't freak out about every thing. But this was different. This was about our son. I thought that this would worry him too. Chris is way better as allowing Jordan space and allowing him to grow up. I baby him way to much sometimes. Chris and I make a good team in that aspect.
Anyway, back to the story. Isaac is crying, Jordan is missing, and Chris is going out to search for him. We are coming up on about 45 minutes since we've seen Jordan last. Chris is gone for what seems like forever. I began to feed Isaac and say a prayer that Jordan would be ok.
Then I hear them coming in the house. That was music to my ears! Jordan was crying because Chris had told him he was going to bed as soon as he finished eating. He also took away his computer and DS and grounded him to his room for tomorrow. Chris found him at the very front of our complex, right by the entrance gate, playing with a bunch of kids. He knew the instant he saw Chris that he was in trouble. While I was helping Jordan get in the shower he was telling me why he was over there. He said that the kids had his scooter and he was trying to get it back. I told him if that was true he should have come home to get us. He said "but your still mad at me". That broke my heart. I wasn't mad at him. I was just happy that he was ok.
Now that I've had several hours to think about all this, I realize that I'm just as much at fault as Jordan is. I never set perimeters of where he could ride. I never told him that he couldn't stop and play. I just assumed he would know that. I was putting way to much on him. If the kids had taken his scooter. I probably would have done the same thing. I would not have come home without it, because, I would have gotten in trouble for that too. Chris and I talked about it. If he's telling the truth about what happened then his punishment is harsh. He was so upset tonight and knows what he did wrong. He went to bed way early for a Friday night. I think that punishment is enough. I can't take his Saturday away from him too. He needs that interaction with Chris, Isaac, and I.
So in the morning, we will discuss all of this. Set some rules and move on. Like I said early, Jordan is a great kid. He makes good choices. He obeys. It's not him that I'm worried about. Its all the other people in the world that he may come in contact with. Were the fears and concerns the same for my parents? I remember going out and riding my bike around our neighborhood and never twice about it. I would stay gone from home for a long time. Did my parents feel the same way I did tonight? I sure hope not, if so, Mom and Dad, I'm sorry!
Sorry, there is no picture for my blog today. Some days, you just don't want a picture taken...today was one of those days.
I apologize if this blog doesn't make sense. Its hard to put into words how I was feeling at the time. I may rambled on...but I needed to talk about it. Thanks for reading.
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